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How Does LFW Dating smart To Keep Out Frauds and Spammers. But as they are answering your questions, you can demonstrate how you're relating to their story by interjecting something about your own experiences that might make them want to ask you questions salt the oats. Not some lightheaded gal who immediately identifies with stripper trick references. By the way, the reason for a polite response to a rejection is that: 1. A man or con asking for a simple date, who is dating smart beforehand, will come off more confident, mature, and convincing. Я пока не пил, может кто просветит что за колёса. Do you want to get better acquainted, or just be friendly from afar. И я ищу тех, кому тоже нужны попутчики для вылазок из душных мега- и мини- полисов. If you're glad in getting together again, don't hesitate to say so. Marilyn May 18, 2010 When Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped, they hung out in Lakeside California, where we were living at that time. Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could Limbo his chances for success. I appreciate anyone who is honest about their love life before they were married.
It has never been scientifically proven that men prefer beauty over brains. What we do know is that even the smartest women do some dumb things when it comes to love. I came across the article, on the blog where the author talks about how some intelligent men get in their own way when it comes to dating. Women, I feel, do the same thing. No man goes out to a bar, to a nightclub, to a strip club for that matter to meet an intelligent woman. Intelligence can never take the place of charm. What every smart person should know is being charismatic is just as important as being intelligent. So I find that some intelligent women make the following mistakes when it comes to attracting and interacting with men. Feeling beautiful is an essential part of being a woman yet some very intelligent women ignore their looks almost as an allegiance to their intelligence. Any desire to want to inspire and appreciate beauty should be embraced not judged or demeaned. Intelligent women can sometimes minimize the importance of beauty by neglecting their own looks or putting down the looks of other women. Be the complete package. Thinking you have to prove your point. Successful flirting is largely based on how you make a man feel. Your job is not who you are. Your resume is not your identity. Some are yet to figure out that women are allowed into college. Men are more impressed by your ability to walk and chew gum at the same time. While these are extreme examples the point is that in dating men are happy when women are showing them attention. What you do, who you know, and where you graduated from only impress men who are looking to use your credentials to make themselves seem important. Leading with credentials are a quick way to come across as boring or self-important. Smart women seem to talk exponentially more than that. When you meet a man you want him to want to get to know more about you. This is not interview time. Give a quick preview, a sound bite, a hint of what you know. Listening is far more attractive than talking and the most intelligent women know this. Saying less can lead to dating more. They were kind, sweet and caring. Keep an open mind to the various ways that intelligence shows up in a conversation. I hope this was helpful. Leave your comments below. Men may feel good around women who make them feel superior, but intelligent women reading advice columns find that good grammar and spelling usually enhance the credibility of the advice-giver. I for one will not dumb down in my quest for love. Let men find out about you in increments that they are worthy. The minute you meet someone it should be about you and not your resume. That is the point. I love other women and I would NEVER attempt to make one of them feel or look stupid — unless they had just stolen my granny etc. Also, I have great social skills, lots of friends of a good range of professions and life experiences. My best friend is a stay at home mum and I love the take on life she can give me. Please do not presume that all intelligent women are unpleasant or out to put others down. My intellect is a well developed muscle I am blessed with, and as an excellent educator I also have to read people and nurture them. Which I do very successfully. My friend has developed a certain set of skills to become a great fullt-time mother, we are both good at what we do, so do my choices make you presume I am rude, arroant and have no social skills? I am also beautiful — well, the last bloke I went on a date with told me how elegant I am, anyhow, and I have done a fair bit of modelling. I take great pride in my appearance, as do the other female academics I work with. Where do you get this kind of ill-informed copy? I have seen women and men make numerous mistakes in dating, of course everyone is different, when women find themselves unable to connect with the men they meet, it could be for the reasons that I mentioned. If not, then you are way ahead of the curve but I think, if it could affect one woman, its worth writing about. Hopefully this article helped some of them. And this view is coming from a woman. At the most, it should be part time, and you should be able to teach your kids to be independent, develop good habits, and learn stuff on their own from a young age. Being a great teacher and developer is. Plus, making meals can be automated. Yes the lady may have been projecting an insecurity, but if she really was — as you believe she was — than is it really necessary for you to point it out? Most of these phenomenons are brought about through cognitive dissonance — confirmation biasm, social equivocations contrasted with cultural, symbolic or intersectional interest, and no doubt, two of my favorites: intellectual dishonesty and The Dunning-Kruger Effect. Context is everything…and it kind of depends on the set assumptions from your set of personal experiences that likely bifurcates ideology. Also, your response is pretty articulate and well though out. How do you justify the dreadful things you acredit to capable women in your article, when you yourself are one of them? I find it quote ironic that you tell us to stop putting other women down, when your entire article is about telling women such as me and yourself — is it a lack of confidence that stopsyou making this connection? I do internet dating, and why my profile says I have a PhD, my responses drop from 8 per day to 2. Just this one single factor has that effect. This cannot be because I have been egotistical or rude or boring. My profile is otherwise just the same. I think you need to re-think your approach on this. I thought I was closer to average. At the time I had just finished my degree and started a career working in a lab at a pharmaceutical company. In hindsight, they either were intimidated or were looking for an easy lay and assumed a smart girl was the opposite of that. Who needs the guys who just want to score anyway? And what are we supposed to lie about our lives so that the men will not feel intimidated? I am a firm believer that introductions should be kept light. Talk about what you like and if someone tries to steer the conversation towards work or credentials just change the subject. Because at the end of the day when you meet a man for the first time chemistry is all that should matter. The ability to take control of the conversation and keep it flirtatious and fun is what a lot of women are lacking. You can steer the conversation a little. Be fun and easy. I always encourage singles to stay away from the boring resume questions. Some of us are nice, some are not. The issue here is not intelligence, it is personality and kindness — perhaps insecurities and anger issues that need clearing up. And anyone can have those, top draw degree or not. I know just as many women without degrees who are manipulative, aggressive and unpleasant, as i do those with. In fact those who are not qualified can sometimes be very bitter towards those women who are — something I have experienced frequently first hand. Is this the case with you Miss Solomon? I find my biggest barrier is what men and women it now seems presume about me because I have a PhD. I am human, just like everybody else. We are all individual people but our habits and commonalities are what allow people like me to make observations then suggestions assumptive or not. While you may not be guilty of the behaviors that I mentioned in the article, men have complained of the women who do act this way. My suggestion is to focus on the areas that do apply to you. Enhance what you do right and eliminate what you do wrong. I just read that online profile pictures with women in glasses attract a different quality of men than those who wear contacts. Only to give an example of the assumptions that everyone makes when dating. Thanks for the comments and for reading! And eliminate what I do wrong — which in the online dating context seems to be, having a PhD. Besides I enjoy my research far too much to want to. Plus, as I do that, I fear that men will run when they find out, on our first few meetings — especially as they will realise I have been not been entirely honest. I try not to generalise about people and make assumptions. I think perhaps your article could be about the dangers of making assumptions during online dating, instead of your take on how dreadful educated women are. What do YOU care about as a PERSON? I am asking you about responses to my online profile which increase dramatically — by 300% — when I mis-inform people about my qualifications — and make that change only. I prefer it when people are direct and to the point about such matters, I find it averts confusion. Vague implications are never very useful when trying to make improvements. Now whether you like to generalize or not, men do. If a man had a bad or unfavorable experience with a woman with a Ph. D he might be skeptical of all women with Ph. Of course this does not mean all men. But the truth is, if the man you are interested in feels this way, it will affect the way he relates you to. The most important element in dating, is making people feel good. If a man avoids you because you post on your profile that you have a Ph. But once a man agrees to go out with you, both of you should have a good time. There is no excuse, substitution for not having a good time. No man on earth will stop dating a woman he has fun with because she has an advanced degree. What I suggest is to ignore the degree. Any resentment that you harbor about men rejecting you because of it may make the Ph. D more important than it has to be. On a first to third date, we should express who we are as people outside of labels. You might mention you have a Ph. D fine but talk about what you loved about research and your field. Talk about your passions and having a Ph. The bottom line is, if you meet a man that you really like, show him your best self, be exciting, interesting, funny passionate and positive. Those should be your only goals in dating until you know someone a little better, start there then introduce your Ph. Hope this was helpful. Thank you for reading! These advices are ridiculous, stay true to yourself women! Dumbing yourself down is simply retarded. Do you honestly think us smart men want dumb women? NO, some of us are tired of that nonsense. To the OP: Intelligence is of many different kinds. Aside from generalising people, we must also recognise that supermodels are intelligent in their own way. It takes a smartness to know how the fashion industry works, how public relations work and use them to your advantage. I doubt any man would want to date you. And if you dating a man… my condolences to him. This exemplifies the basic female inability to take criticism. If I were to give examples of how much women generalize about men, it would take 5000 pages. Buck up and take the criticisms and learn from them. Someone who ALWAYS has to be right. And guess what: clever conversations are NOT enough to keep a relationship going. Same goes for the reverse. If she IS booksmart, cool. The most important thing is common sense and ability to get along with people. Christ, how snobby has everyone become? If the kind of men you look for do not appreciate your mind, the problem is you, not them. Stay true to yourself and do what makes you comfortable. People respond to that. This is what they mean by feeling emasculated. Because so many women play stupid, many men are truly surprised when a smart woman can do things for herself. Fixing a tire, working on your car, knowing how to use tools or even taking out the garbage yourself. Men confuse being feminine with being stupid, because from what they can see, you are useless without their help. One started drinking Too heavily after 3 years of dating. It broke my heart to leave him but I had to. There was another guy who I dated about six months as well, who misrepresented who he was as a graduate about to begin a professional career when I met him, then over the coming months gradually revealed that he was taking a gap year s to travel and party. He also would not introduce me to his family or even tell them about me because his parents would have taken his allowance away for dating someone outside their ethnicity. All of them wrong….. All I was doing was keeping an open mind and taking the time to get to know people. How can anyone know what someone will be like without taking a little time to find out? Before a happy marriage there are often many failed relationships. I appreciate anyone who is honest about their love life before they were married. You have to break tradition sometimes. You have to be willing to make your own rules sometimes. Your favourite reason appeared to be at the internet the easiest thing to have in mind of. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the whole thing with no need side effect , other folks could take a signal. Will likely be again to get more. I went to graduate school on a full-scholarship and received my Masters degree in Economics. ISSUE 1 GENERALIZATIONS A large majority of the thread has complained about this. If someone in this thread made any blanketed statement towards any larger specific group for example, on the basis of gender, race, ethnicity, or religion many people would be outraged for lack of political correctness, yet you seemed to find a sub-group small enough that these blanketed statements have slipped by more easily. You cite that you never attended college. Well, if you did take a basic logic class, you would have found that one counterexample is sufficient to nullify your basic premise. I am that counterexample. I was popular in a sorority. I had tons of friends. I was offered modeling jobs. I have also had many awards in managing people. People who meet me often comment on my friendliness. I am well-versed with the stereotype of the educated woman; I fit very few, if any, of your aforementioned ones. ISSUE 2 LACK OF EXPERIENCE There is this idea that you have to ask someone who has experience with something to glean the most useful information. For example, would you ask a broke person how to become rich? Probably not, I really hope not… if riches are your goal. They might be a really great source on how to become broke, though, or what not to do. Along this same reasoning, if I wanted to find out how to be happily married, I would ask someone who is actually in this situation. You are writing about what an highly-educated woman should do to attract a smart man. Yet except for your gender, you do not seem qualified to give an opinion that is really worth much weight. I would seriously question an article in which so many of your target demographic has issues. ISSUE 3 CONDESCENSION This article is rife with this. College attendance is personal issue. For some people finishing college is not necessary. However, I will say this, you state that you can make a girl that is a 6 and ll by putting her down. So why are you essentially guilty of the core of your own argument? If you are truly proud of your decision to not go to college, why do you feel the need to talk with such open condescension to others who did? ISSUE 4 ADVISING PEOPLE NOT TO BE TRUE TO WHO THEY ARE This is absolutely the worst advice of the whole piece. It is one thing to improve yourself on clear personality issues. For example, impatience, being rude, impoliteness etc… However, no one should purposefully hide something like college attendance to try to get a date. If a guy is threatened by this, he is not the guy for you. I have men who have relentlessly pursued me, because they were looking for their equal. Not some lightheaded gal who immediately identifies with stripper trick references. I find this article a better guide on how to get a one-night stand rather than a relationship. To the couple of guys who wrote about wanting to find a smart girl. Bravo to you for speaking out! Best of luck to all! Unfortunately too many people think they are intelligent so a dumb guy will need a dumber girl to make the magic happen. A smart women is just too much work and her needs are on a different level and genrally a reall smart girl that shows it off PHD girl is intimidating in a few levels. Look at what guys end up with statistically. If a man can economically afford to leave his older leave headed women which gives him problems who does he does he mostly end up with? That young girl that makes it clap… For that man that has an economical status the girl that is fittest is worth his time. And belive it or not the world is run by men but its all about women. Buildings cities wars and invasions will be made by men to get a status and name for them self in order to get the fitted women around. Being Dumb and sexy gets you a higher chair then being mediocre and smart. Then again if you are smart then you should know this and act dumb in order to get what you want. I am at present living in a culture where the whole placement of women is on a different playing field. Why is there a need to show this credential thing — A PhD does not show complete intelligence; only an ability to memorise facts and then regurgitate them. My late and very smart wife was the opposite to this. Due to ill health when she was younger she did not get beyond a very basic college diploma. She struggled with ill health and ultimately lost a long battle with severe mental health issues. Her greatest gifts to herself and to me and others was her kindness, honest and great intelligence. Her impact on my life was massive and I miss her every day. Above all she was a person whom I and trusted and loved above all just for herself. Ultimately this just seems to be a self defeating thing to do. That annoys everyone — men and women if they are told all the time just how intelligent you are. If I meet a nice lady I want first to know that she is kind, has a good sense and humor and is able to talk about anything under the sun. She also has to someone whom I can trust. Academic Intelligence is not an indicator of the deeper personality. I have met and worked with many very intelligent and creative women throughout my life. Many were good but there were those who were, superior, arrogant and untrustworthy despite their high level of attainment and accomplishment. That was sad because it just created a barrier to connecting where one might have made friends and really gotten to know this or that woman. Insecurity and the resultant flakiness that often comes out in the end and then even a good man might choose to walk away. That destroys relationships in the end. Could this stem from the fac that that so many women of earlier generations where kept down and told that their place was behind the kitchen sink? It also shows, I suspect , a lack of maturity which is something that is acquired over time. I have been there and done that one. Beauty is something on the inside not really on the outside. Felt like more of a journal entry regarding inner frustration than advice. Embrace your intelligence and beauty. Only speak well of others. I am a beautiful and intelligent woman. I have a few degrees, am a size 0 and have quality social skills. My problem is trying to find a man that keeps MY interest. Where did all the handsome and intelligent men go? There ARE brilliant and committed men out there all of my friends, yes, ALL of my friends are married to this variety! As for myself I want to thank Miss Solomon for this super helpful Blog! I believe what some women forget, depending on their circle of friends, is that there are single women who without meaning think negatively about beauty and women who wear makeup. They make a negative association with beauty and assume that the more attractive a woman the less intelligent. They also downplay their own beauty so as to somehow transcend conventional standards. As someone who has witnessed the behavior of highly intelligent women I know for a fact that these mistakes are made often. I have been witness to intelligent women disrespectfully speaking about other women who are wearing makeup. I had a good ol giggle reading this.. Really I had to come back and check the date on it. With all due respect, dating coach? You and some of the ladies commenting, need to change the type of men you are hanging out with.. Stop undermining us and yourselves.. What is the purpose of all this? Smart woman or not, you need to have enough clarity in your mind to decide for yourself who you are going to be with, when, how and most importantly: FOR WHICH REASON. Because when things get sour, you and ONLY YOU are to be blamed. It has nothing to do with smartness, it is about RESPONSIBILITY. If you have multiple degrees and decide to marry a high school drop out, well, you need to be prepared for the challenges ahead. The same will apply if you go for interracial relationships, wide age gap relationships , or long distance relationships. Make informed choices and OWN your decisions. I believe it illustrates one of the biggest misconceptions we have about dating. The behaviors I explain are keeping smart and attractive women from even getting the first date. Those first impressions that can make or break an interaction. I agree with your comment. Unfortunately smart women almost always go for dumb guys, this leaves a lot of smart guys lonely and settling for dumb women who often have good hearts which is a bonus. Women want either looks, wealth or stability. Intelligent men are intimidating to smart girls who fear they cannot control them and opt for a stable, loyal, unintelligent guy a lot of the time. The ability to connect with anyone regardless of if you deem them highly intelligent or not is the real challenge in dating. We all know different things but we can teach others regardless of our level of intelligence and that is what great relationships are made of. Knowing what you have to teach others. That is the beautiful part. Quite a Change in the women of today compared to the Good old days when Most women i would say were Never like that at all back then. It is your perspective Miss Solomon. Most of the intelligent women I know are ice ladies. But sometimes in life you need to relax and spend time doing something enjoyable. Miss Solomon is not telling any woman to be uneducated or not earn her degrees. Here is my story. I have an Ivy League degree. I dated a man whom I dearly miss now who was brilliant and had degrees from a top music conservatory and computer science program. When he broke up with me, he told me I was mean, boring, and inconsistent. He valued fun, kindness, and consistency over being able to keep up with his intellect. Its your job to make yourself happy and take a partner a long for the ride. I hope you can view the experience and a beautiful one and I also hope I can help in anyway to bring more love into your life. A tip on anyone who calls you mean, ask yourself in every situation, am I being kind? Kindness is the glue that holds real love and healthy relationships together. I hope this was helpful. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn't show you attention. If a man isn't treating you like you're valuable to him, don't stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don't need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you're second class. I hope this was helpful. Miss Solomon - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for reading! I know this is easy to say but the best way to approach men that you like is to remove yourself from the outcome. Yes, you want a date, and I think it's great that you took the initiative but don't beat yourself up about the outcome. The circumstances might not be right. There is one way I recommend taking action in dating to see results. It's a simple process - Step 1. Write down 3 possible scenarios A,B,C - A being if nothing happens, B being if it something happens but not what you expected, C being if your ideal results happen. Then try to imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Prepare yourself for no response, for a rejection, or for a date. If you're prepared for any outcome, its easy to take action. Just don't NEED anything certain result. Just take action because you're a brave person willing to take risks, and go after what you want. Instead of worrying about the result, just focus on taking action. It's not about what happens, it's about taking the action, accepting the result as feedback and moving forward with new information. I think you did a great thing! If you don't get a date, that's ok. But don't stop right taking action where you can. I hope this was helpful. Danica - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away there is this guy who flirts with me, shows all 32 teeth when smiling at me and sighs around me a lot, well I do like him and think the feeling is mutual, but ive asked men out in the past and that did NOT turn out as I had hoped.
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